Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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