Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
