i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
