finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
