Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
