so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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