Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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