True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
