That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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