yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
