So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
