you're like a bully in the Christmas story
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
