Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
