Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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