I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
