My hand turned me down
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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