Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
