Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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