Sponge bath it is.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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