I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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