I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
