He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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