Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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