This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
