Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
