We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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