Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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