dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
