just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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