I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
