I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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