apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am one with the molecules
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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