How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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