Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
