I never want to see another naked old woman again.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
