That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
