It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
