dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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