we made out on top of his cat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
