Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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