i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
