well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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