My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
