So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
