there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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