the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
