my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
