for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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