I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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