That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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