Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
