As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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