He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
