we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
