is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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