imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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