so that wasnt chicken after all
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
