Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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