We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
