I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
