Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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