The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude i'm inner monologue high
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A bitchslap is in order.
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