It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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