i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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