I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
