You just made me feel so damn special
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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