Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize