If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
