So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
