puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
