Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize