Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
