u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
