im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
