I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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