I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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