She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
