Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
