Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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