I'm really into asian looking animals
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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