I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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